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Or join me on Friday at 7:30 a.m. to discuss “Best practices to build your student-athletes mental performance!”
I had a cool experience this weekend. I was shopping on “Small Business Saturday” at a local artist's pop-up shop. As we were looking around, we came upon a work of art that looked familiar. I said, “This looks like Brooke’s work,” and the shop owner said, “You know Brooke?” My response, flooded with thoughts of Brooke and her teammates, was a very proud “I was her college coach.
Isn’t her work amazing?”
Here is Brooke’s story. Before coming to play for us at CSU, Brooke’s high school team won a state championship…at least one. Her team won a conference championship and we made our first-ever NCAA tournament appearance.
Here’s the thing. Brooke didn’t play. The kid who played in front of her also won a state championship! I remember telling Brooke, who stood right beside me every game, that when she wore her championship ring, no one would ask her how many innings she played. And if I asked her today, I bet no one has.
I also told her, jokingly of course, “State the obvious and you’re never wrong” …so I am going to take my own advice now. Here’s the obvious!
Things have changed. I am not sure there are as many “Brookes” out there today. With the Portal and NIL, there is a TON of individual focus.
And as you can tell by the fact that Brooke chose to be by my side during games instead of at the end of the bench where the energy vampires stand, as hard as it may have been, she was in it…every game, even if she wasn’t on the field. And guess what? When we won the championship, she got a ring to wear proudly. It’s the same ring our pitcher who set the NCAA strikeout record got.
Both worked their butts off for it!
But here’s the thing, from our start in school and sport, most of us are taught a singular story: success is an individual pursuit. We frame accolades and personal achievements. We talk about playing time, points scored and how many hits we had before we talk about winning or losing. It’s about our accomplishments…then the team’s. Sometimes we’d rather play than win…or we’re okay with losing if we went 2 for 3 or scored 20.
I’ve seen it with a few of the athletes I work with who haven’t been in the mix as much as they would like. They are frustrated with their situations and, in turn, turn inward. They get hyper-focused on every move they make (or don’t make), every move the coach makes (or doesn’t make) and more. They communicate less, compare more and become outcome-focused.
Ironically, none of this is good for our performance!
When we’re overly focused on ourselves, our brain’s default mode network (DMN) kicks into high gear. The DMN lights up when we think about ourselves…when we aren’t a part of the environment around us as the game demands. While it’s useful for self-reflection, overactivation or the DMN can lead to second-guessing, overthinking, self-doubt and anxiety. These hijack our cognitive resources needed for optimal performance, like attention, problem-solving and adaptability.
If we’re in our head, we can’t get into flow, those awesome moments of effortless excellence where time seems to slow and we perform at our peak. Instead of flowing, we’re slow and stuck, second-guessing every move.
We want to play more…contribute more…be more and thus, we focus on what we are doing…or what others aren’t doing.
And here’s the catch. As Sean Achor says in Big Potential, winning in life isn’t about survival of the fittest, it’s about “survival of the best fit.”
What most kids at the end of the bench aren’t looking at is what others are doing to make those around them better. They are looking at what they could do better themselves. “She doesn’t score like I can”, they may think. But maybe she doesn’t give up points on the other end or maybe she sets her teammates up to score more!
As Achor says, after years of being taught to compete, work on individual skills and rely solely on personal effort, the real world and winning teams demand a different skill set: connection, support and the ability to amplify the talents of others.
This shift isn’t just theoretical—it’s grounded in research.
I shared this with one of my swimmers who set a school record last weekend! Way to go, Gavin!
We were talking about how we can use success as a catalyst and not a stressor and we immediately turned to working with the guys in his lane…or next to him to keep moving forward.
Granted, we did talk about his personal goals and what he needed to do to achieve them, but this research made him think about getting out of his head and into his team…working to improve every day…and let the record stay where it is!
In a study from the University of Virginia, researchers asked participants to stand at the base of a steep hill, wearing a weighted backpack. Some were alone, while others stood next to a friend. When asked to estimate the steepness of the hill, those standing alone rated it as significantly steeper than those standing with someone, even if she was facing away. The attention didn’t matter. The proximity made the difference.
When we aren’t happy, we pull away and isolate. We go to our office to “think” or “vent”, and we move to the end of the bench to avoid contact or communication, but the facts are that being in proximity to others makes daunting tasks seem less daunting.
My swimmer wants to set new records. And even though swimming is an “individual” sport, if he stays locked in his head and only focused on keeping or setting a new record…alone… he will be missing out on working with his team in practice on the process.
Why is this important?
When we collaborate…and look to help others, our brain releases a powerful mix of neurotransmitters like oxytocin (trust and bonding), dopamine (reward and motivation) and serotonin (mood stabilization). This cocktail reduces stress, increases focus and builds resilience. Conversely, self-centered thinking activates the brain’s threat response, increasing cortisol and narrowing your ability to process information creatively.
When Gavin works with those in his lane to get faster together, he feels better…and performs better.
Starting or not, when we model optimistic, solution-oriented behavior, it creates a ripple effect that elevates the entire group. Yes, this is great for energy, culture and morale, but it’s much more than that—it directly impacts performance.
And it comes back to us in spades…when we help others succeed, we feel more confident and capable, too.
Finally, as some of you send your teams home for winter break strong, fit and skilled, only to get them back with only 3 or 4 weeks to get into season shape, remind them of this finding. A researcher found himself in a mangrove forest with trees lighting up around him in unison. He found that the lightning bugs had synchronized their “flash” for a reason, contrary to the “survival of the fittest” theory! These bugs light up to attract a mate, so one would think that lighting up independently of others would lead a mate his way.
But here’s the truth of it, when a lightning bug lights up independently, the likelihood of a female finding him is 3%. When all the bugs in a tree light up in unison, the chances of females responding is 82%!
As Achor says “The more you help people find their light, the brighter you both will shine.” And as I fittingly share with my "Viking" teams, a rising tide lifts all ships!
Our athletes, our salespeople and our kids are constantly bombarded by “what did YOU DO” questions and, thus, become focused on being the brightest light in the room. And when we aren’t we try to put others’ lights out instead of finding ways to amplify them.
We complain. We question. We overthink. We compare. We ruminate. We stop communicating. We isolate.
All these things lead us deeper into self-focus and away from success.
To get what we want, we need to get into others and survive and thrive by being the right fit! As I tell my teams, “Get off of yourself and into your team.”
All the information we need to succeed is around us. Yes, some of it is inside us, but we can’t grow without the right soil and light. If we move to a dark corner, we may live, but we aren’t going to blossom!
The bottom line is that if we want to be great if we want to play more, do more or be more, we need to dedicate time to helping others, offering advice, encouragement or support. Those that do report higher levels of engagement, satisfaction and success.
Sometimes people play, not because they are the best, but because they make the team the best!
As we sit on the bench or watch from the sidelines as someone gets more…even though we are working hard (or harder), instead of getting in our head, thinking about how unfair it is or anything else that is focused on us being the brightest light, we should be “getting off of ourselves and into someone else.”
It’s not our nature, but our brains and bodies work better when we do!
Manage the moments!
Julie
P.S. Let’s build your team’s Mental Performance Operating System! Contact me to find out how!
Send me a text at 234-206-0946 or an email at juliej@ssbperformance.com and schedule a call to see how we can enhance your program’s mental approach!
Julie Jones
Mental Performance Coach
SSB Performance
juliej@ssbperformance.com • 234-206-0946
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