We’ve all been there. Something new comes up—a new approach, skill, or information contradicting what we know as “the way.” When this new information doesn’t align with our experience, especially if we’ve been doing something successfully for years, our reaction is rarely, “Sure, I’ll change right away!” and everyone lives happily ever after!
Probably not!
More likely, we push back against it a bit at first…and even more if we feel more pressure to change or defend our position. We question it. We go straight to all the reasons it won’t work or reasons what we do does work. We question the source. We act like we know more. We even go as far as finding reasons the source is not reliable, trustworthy or in the know!
Case in point: Do you know how many end-of-the-year evaluations say, “The coach knows nothing about….” you fill in the blank for the sport. Or “the professor doesn’t know anything about economics.” Even though he has a Ph.D. and tenure, the person who completed the evaluation is a first-semester sophomore!
But let’s not pretend that college athletes and students are the only ones who deal with digging in when faced with conflicting information. We ALL deal with COGNITIVE DISSONANCE and it can have COSTLY repercussions!
I recently read Mistakes Were Made (But Not By Me): Why We Justify Foolish Beliefs, Bad Decisions, and Hurtful Acts by Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson. This book is a must-read, especially during a contentious election cycle, but it also made me think about how cognitive dissonance impacts our teams and performance.
As coaches, we juggle the needs and expectations of our players. We want to win, develop talent, and maintain a cohesive team. But when these goals clash, cognitive dissonance can throw a wrench into our plans.
Dr. Leon Festinger first introduced cognitive dissonance in the 1950s. It occurs when our beliefs, actions, or attitudes conflict. Imagine telling your team that hard work is key, but then benching a player who’s been giving their all in practice for someone who performs better in games but is perceived as a slacker. This gap between belief and action creates discomfort—cognitive dissonance—that can strain relationships and hinder performance.
Or how about that kid who needs to adjust to reach his potential? You coach him with different a style and tactics than he is used to. He gets a bit overloaded and now he can’t do the simplest thing on the field. His mind goes straight to “Coach has no idea what he is talking about. “I’m a DI player and what I do got me here”. He digs in. This resistance to change and self-protection creates a gap between the player and coach, leading to frustration on both sides.
Tavris notes that when people face evidence that contradicts their deeply held beliefs, they’re more likely to double down on those beliefs rather than change them.
I’m sure you’re not seeing (or doing) any of this when you are desperately avoiding political conversations!
For the disgruntled player, this might mean becoming increasingly resistant to feedback, spreading negativity, or even attempting to rally other players against the coach. In their mind, if they can prove the coach wrong or paint them as incompetent, it justifies their belief that they deserve a better role.
And so, it goes. I spoke to a director of a major government entity the other day and found that these tendencies are not unique to athletic teams full of young adults. They happen every day in the workplace as well…and lead to many good leaders being labeled as bullies and incompetent.
For instance, a local superintendent was caught lying on his resume. When confronted, he responded with disdain, saying “it’s none of your business” (actually, I think it is since you put it on record) and the school board immediately backed him up, despite the evidence. This reaction is common…people justify and self-protect when faced with dissonance, often digging in their heels and now it seems they are making the union and the newspaper who found the incongruent information look like bullies and naysayers.
Their actions are much more common than someone saying “we see that there is a discrepancy and we are looking into it to determine whether or not we need to hold Dr. So and So accountable.”
Our desire to self-justify is powerful, and it can tear teams apart, hinder performance, and ruin careers. So, what can we do?
Ultimately, the goal is to help the player or leader move past their cognitive dissonance and return to a mindset that benefits both them and the team. This means trying to get them to a place where they can accept the reality of the situation without undermining their confidence or their relationships.
And I don’t mean follow the recent memes about voting for the other candidate and lying to your spouse about it to save face. Aronson and Tavris suggest that the importance of self-awareness and the willingness to admit mistakes as key steps in reducing dissonance. They suggest that individuals, especially those in leadership roles, should actively work to recognize their own biases and the tendency to self-justify.
In what ways do you do it? Where do you dig in to protect a decision or hold on to a belief that could use some updating, even those about your abilities or those you think you lack?
By acknowledging mistakes and taking responsibility, leaders can create an environment where others feel safe to express their concerns without fear of retribution. This openness can help to reduce the tension between those who "caused" the dissonance (such as a coach making a tough decision) and those who feel "wronged" (such as a player benched without clear justification).
I know, you’re thinking, “If they are already disgruntled, they’ll use my admissions against me and they will fuel their thoughts about what I don’t know!”
But look at it this way, not everyone believes what they are “dissonancing” (I made a new verb) about!
Your vulnerability may keep others from falling into the same trap…and the truth is, sometimes nothing we do will change someone’s mind, but we can try in non-threatening ways!
Festinger suggested that one effective way to reduce dissonance is to provide clear, consistent, and credible information that helps individuals reconcile their conflicting thoughts. Yep…we have to explain, even when we don’t think we should. This drove me nuts as a coach…but every time I knew I should but didn’t want to, it came back to bite me in the butt! All we can hope is that our explanation helps the player understand the decision within a broader context, reducing the dissonance and helping the player adjust their beliefs or behaviors accordingly. As I used to say, we may not agree, but now you understand, and that usually makes a difference.
Festinger also highlighted the importance of social support in reducing dissonance. And maybe you need to ‘create’ some support, too!
When athletes see that their peers share similar beliefs or experiences, it can lessen the psychological discomfort they feel. I am sure you have stories you tell about other kids who have walked a mile in the disgruntled kid’s shoes…and getting those you trust on your team to do the same can be helpful, too.
A few other ideas that may help (or could backfire, I suppose, but am hopeful they won’t 😊) are putting the disgruntled player in a “teaching” role. Who can she help? Can she teach someone something that would help her get what she wants? This would then force her to talk with you about results, expectations, appropriate behaviors, attitudes and their effect on her teammate’s performance, holding a mirror up for her to see what it takes to be in the position she wants.
You could also take some time to guide your athletes through a self-assessment where they honestly evaluate their performance and contributions. This can get all of them to look at their contributions and the situation from a broader perspective and reduce dissonance by aligning their self-perception with reality. Need more information to share? Add in a quick “evaluate your teammates” where you can gather perceptions and share them if needed to provide other perspectives (anonymously, most likely…not the assessment, just the feedback you’re giving) of where the athlete stands.
Finally, asking this athlete or all of them to write down the BRIGHT SPOTS or quick gratitude notes each day after practice may help ease dissonance. Gratitude promotes a positive outlook, which can counteract the tendency to focus on negative aspects of a situation that causes dissonance.
Since cognitive dissonance often triggers negative emotions like frustration, anxiety, or anger, gratitude can help balance these emotions with positive feelings, reducing the intensity of the dissonance. Our athlete who is upset about our decision might acknowledge the support of teammates or the opportunity to learn a new skill, which can help lessen the discomfort.
Gratitude can help us accept that not every situation will be perfect or align with our expectations. By being grateful for the lessons learned or the support received, we can come to terms with decisions or outcomes that initially caused dissonance, reducing the need for self-justification or negative coping strategies.
This is a tough one and we deal with it EVERY DAY in some way. Self-awareness is our superpower and by increasing our awareness and helping those around us be more aware of the detriments of dissonance, we may be able to minimize the damage.
Next week we’ll talk about how we can get those who support us to understand how this innate human tendency gets people lining up outside their offices to build their cases, many of which started with a simple attempt at self-justification! Stay tuned.
I’d love to hear your feedback on this subject. There is so much to it!
Manage the moments and your dissonance!!
Julie
P.S. I would love to work with your program. Email me for packages and rates!
Send me a text at 234-206-0946 or an email at juliej@ssbperformance.com and schedule a call to see how we can enhance your program’s mental approach!
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